On the Cat

This one is long overdue. Everyone that knows me knows that I love cats. Growing up at my parents place there were always cats. For a long time my dad acted like he didn't like them, but he did - we all knew it. He'd pretend to throw rocks at them, but magically none ever, ever got hit.

We've had Frisky, North, Lucy, Worthless, Squirrely, and several others. Recently my cats had to be relocated because of stupid apartment rules about me having critters. So now there is a Himalayan named Max the Ashtray and a dumpster kitty named Mickey Doorknobs. And they are awesome.

It's no accident that in some cultures they think cats ward off evil spirits. I realized that Mickey had this potential when he kept chasing light around my apartment. At first I thought he was just stupid. But I realize now he's operating on a quantum level that I can't fathom.

And so the thing about the cat is that you don't own them. You exist with them. If I played gigs all weekend, I'd leave food and water and come back on Sunday. They'd be happy to see me, but they weren't distressed. Put a dog in that situation and he'd shit everywhere and be in the midst of an emotional breakdown.

People like dogs because dogs are needy and people like to feel needed. Here's an analogy I've made before: you are to your cat as your dog is to you. You want your cat to want your presence the way your dog wants you to want his presence. This is almost a Cheap Trick song.

The cats world is amazing - they love levels. The cat is a ninja. He's always around, but you might not notice him. Because he's always on a different level. Exclamation mark.

It turns out - I saw this on the Discovery Channel, but I learned about it first hand - Himalayans are different kinds of cats. They actually like to do what you're doing. So me and Max have both seen all 60 episodes of The Wire and we both enjoy cooking shows, especially Top Chef.

Since Max has moved from an apartment kitty to a Nursery kitty he has ridden on Kawasaki Mules and even once on a front lifting loader. Apparently he was not so into the latter.

The cat goes in amazing ways. He metabolizes the world both faster and slower than we do. There are lessons to be learned from these creatures. The cat is existential.

Oh and I learned that the cat is the only animal that kills for the sake of killing. Other animals kill and eat. The cat just terrorizes and swats and makes death and then brings you death as a present. The cat is a ninja. I'm glad I exist in a world with them.